Tears

here i am laying on my bed...thoughtless...yet tears flowing down...don't know whats going on to me...but finally i admit it..its hard for me to love again over this past months i have been denying and pretending to be happy...and actually trying to convince myself that i would find that someone who will actually open up my heart without me trying...honestly...you don't wanna be me...I'm just a human that thinks love is just something that isn't permanent...I'm sick of it...tho sometimes i get the jealousy feeling watching couples being together...seeing the love in their eyes..i hate that feeling..i can still feel the pain on my chest...it still hurt...i just wish i could throw all the pain away by crying my heart out...hmm..i have been there...cried till i fall asleep but yea seem that isn't enough...when i try to cry it seems that there is no more tears left...but when I'm all alone without even thinking..tears just flows down my cheek..is my body tired of all of this?? is my heart still haven't been heal? i guess my heart and body is exhausted with all the pain that have been thrown to me...not just from the person who have hurt me...but my surroundings...people around me doesn't understand me at all...i know some of them tried but i don't think they can...even if they say they know how it feels..I'm sorry to say this..i don't think you know how i feel how my situation is...all i wanted now is just for the pain to go away..i just can't bear the pain anymore...